How Can I Move On When I’m Still In Love with You

Kelan ka nga ba dapat tumigil magmahal? Kung nag-give up nab a yung partner mo dapat mag-give up ka na din? Kung naattract na siya sa iba dapat ba unahin mo na lang ang pride mo at i-give up mo na lang siya sa taong nagustuhan niya?

Ito ang mga tanong  na gusto ko makakuha ng sagot. Ang hirap magdesisyon kung sigurado ka sa sarili mo sa nararamdaman mo, and yet the facts say that baka mali nang maramadaman pa ang mga nararamdaman mo.

Kelan mo nga ba dapat isipin na mahal mo pa siya? At hanggang anong sakit ang dapat mo kayanin bago  ka bumitaw?

Di ko alam kung kaya ko pa. Ang alam ko lang gusto ko kayanin ang lahat. Naniniwala ako na hindi by chance ang pagkakakilala natin sa mga tao. Kahit sa mga kaibigan, they were destined to be a part of your life long before you were born.

Kung papakinggan mo yung mga kanta, parang ang dali lang na maghintay sa taong iniwan ka. Gaya nung “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved.” Parang ang dali lang na maghintay para sa taong mahal mo. Parang ang dali lang na hintayin mo siyang bumalik. Saka yung kanta na may lyrics na “huwag mangamba, hindi kita paghahanapan pa, ng anumang kapalit ng inalay kong pag-ibig.” Parang ganon lang kadali.

Gusto kong kayanin maghintay. Gusto ko isipin na babalik pa siya. Gusto ko sabihin niya na mahal niya ako at gusto niya ko makasama, at di niya ko kaya mawala gaya ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Kaso natatakot ako na sabihin niya na ayaw na niya. Ang hirap sobra. Ayaw ko bumitaw pero ang hirap humawak.

Sabi nga ng kanta, “how can I move on when I’m still in love with you?”

Ma-rerealize mo nga lang kung gano ka-importante sayo ang isang tao pag wala na siya sayo.

Sana bukas paggising ko, tayo na uli.

Someone Defined Friendship for Me

I started writing this blog entry on September 21 this year. This was supposed to be my first entry but I thought that it was not saved when I started writing it. Good thing it is still in my drafts folder.

I never thought that I’ll have my own blog. Well, I guess when you have nothing to do, you’ll just try anything to kill time. hehe.

I guess that my first blog should be something about a friend who I really love.

I had my own experience on cheating, and I would say that cheaters should really go to hell. They are good for nothing and they deserve severe punishment.

But, cheating seems to have levels. in my opinion, acts of cheating can be classified as either forgivable or unforgivable. The forgivable cheating includes acts like dating with someone who is not your partner, or maybe kissing someone who’s not your bf or gf. In other words, this category includes all romantic actions done with someone outside a romantic commitment except sex. Well, sex outside the bounds of that commitment defines the unforgivable category.

When I caught shit (sorry, can’t call him my ex) with another woman, I was really devastated. That day, I went to his apartment so that we could fix the problem that we had a couple of days ago, but when I arrived there, I found a blouse on his bed and a suitcase. The maid confirmed that he is with another woman.

At that moment, I didn’t know what to do, so I called my friend, the friend that I missed when I started writing this blog. I can’t remember the exact words that I said to her but I remember that I shouted a lot on the phone. She went to shit’s apartment with his bf to take me home. And she was there when I confronted the shit.

I wish that I just flushed that shit in the toilet, but at that moment my emotions overpowered me. Lucky me, my friend and his bf were there so I was able to go hoe safely after the terrible incident.

Of course, my friend’s role didn’t end there. She didn’t leave my side as I went through a lot of emotional struggle because of what happened. She was there all the way until I finally was able to get up and be stronger than ever.

Nowadays, I don’t have the chance to talk to her as much often as I did when I was in college. The last time i saw her, there were a lot of unnecessary people around, so I was not able to have a real bonding time with her.

I really miss her.

I Want A New Job

I’ve been working for this company for 4 months now, and I am feeling the strong urge to quit. Compensation is not the problem. Actually, I am very fortunate to have this amount of compensation considering that I am a fresh graduate. Plus, my partner and I are housed in a hotel ever since we started working here.

Considering these two things, one would think that it is stupid to leave this job. But sometimes, compensation and perks are not enough to outweigh the negative things about your job.

I hate seeing sex trade ever since I became a feminist. I hated men who are patrons of the sex workers, but I never hated the women who are involved in this market. This job exposed me to this actual market because my boss is a patron and he treats his clients with these kind of women. I’ve hated prostitutes since i started working here.

Just a few days ago, my boss introduced one of his mistresses to us. The moment is just so eeeeewww.

I don’t know if I should leave this job or not. I miss having intellectual role models to look up to.

It’s hard to work for someone who you do not respect. I wish that a new career opportunity would come fast.

Nakakaasar Maging Mahirap

Minsan ang labo lang. Kung kelan naging mas ok kalagayan mo, saka mo na-rerealize na meron din palang mga bagay na mas ok nung nasa worse ka na sitwasyon.

 

Tulad ngayon. Naalala ko lang nung nasa panget ako na work, nung sobrang baba ng sweldo ko. Mas magaling ako humawak ng pera non e. Dati, alam ko kung saan pa napupunta ang pera ko. Ngayon hindi na.

 

Hindi ko naman hinihingi na bumalik ako sa dating sitwasyon. Gusto ko lang maalala kung pano humawak ng pera. Yung tipong hindi ko tinatapon sa kung saan-saan.

 

Siguro madami lang akong problema ngayon kaya ganito mga bagay na iniisip ko. Ang labo lang kasi. Dati kayak o pagkasyahin ang 2k sa dalawang lingo. Ngayon di ko alam kung pano ko yun gagawin sa kahit na isang lingo lang.

 

Haaay…. Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang ako naging mayaman? E di sana natutulungan ko pamilya ko ng walang problema. Sana natutulungan ko sila nang hindi ako nawawalan.

 

Ang hirap naman kasi. Minsan, hindi mo kayang sabihin na wala ka kasi mas kailangan nila.

Engel Curve

It is always amazing to see a theory in practice.

Kanina nang nasa Mcdo ako, na-realize ko na ang concept ng Engel Curve sa Economics is right before my eyes. The concept of the Engel Curve explains that for a normal good, as the income of the consumer rises, the consumption of that good also increases. The higher income enables the consumer to have more purchasing power, allowing him to buy more of the good. However, not all goods in the market are normal goods. There are inferior goods, which are consumed less if the income of the consumer increases.

So ano ang kinalaman nito sa Mcdo? Naalala ko lang kanina na ang boss ko na sobrang yaman ay never kumain sa Mcdo. Nung nag-uumpisa pa lang ako sa work ko, naisip ko kung kumakain kaya sa Mcdo ang boss ko. Sabi ng partner ko, malamang hindi dahil mukhang ayaw ni sir ng fast food. Pero di ko pa na-realize noon na application na pala yun ng Engel Curve.

Kanina na-realize ko na Engel Curve in practice na nga yung fact na hindi kumakain ang boss ko sa Mcdo. Last week kasi, nag-dinner meeting kami sa Makati Shang-rila. Malakas naman kumain si sir pag nasa ganong lugar kami. Pero pag sa iba, sobrang hina niya kumain. Habang nag-oorder kanina, naalala ko ang laki ng income gap naming ng boss ko, at naisip ko na ‘as income increases, the consumption of Mcdo products does not increase; in fact, it decreases because the consumer prefers another type of good’, just like my boss. In other words, there is a change in taste, and the consumer prefers to shift his consumption to another type of good than consume more of what he can afford when he had less income.

May application ang Engel Curve sa labor. Initially, as the wage is increased for the worker, he tends to work more so he could get promoted and get a higher wage. However, at much higher levels of wages, the worker prefers to work less and have more leisure instead.

I miss econ.

 

Value for Money

Masaya ako dahil this weekend nakauwi ako at nakasama ko pamilya after almost a month ng hindi pag-uwi. Problema lang, akala ko magagawa kong masaya ang weekend na to.  Kaso, bad things happen even if you planned for things to work out well.

 

Birthday ni mama. Kala ko enough na na mabigyan ko siya ng gift na hindi cheap syempre, and malibre siya ng party. Yun talaga gusto ko. Sa gift. I was quite successful. Sa handa hindi gaano. Kung sa b-day lang ni mama, palagay ko ok naman.

 

Ang problema lang, lumapit kapatid ko kanina, which he doesn’t usually do. Nangungutang. Wala ako naiabot. I was devastated. Bakit ganon? Hindi ko siya matulungan kung kelan kailangan niya tulong ko?

 

Nakakapikon. Siguro naaasar lang ako sa sarili ko. Grabe kasi ako kung gumastos sa pagkain, sa kung anu-anong kaartehan na di ko naman nagagamit talaga ng matagalan. Minsan, ang kaya bilhin for me ng 300 ay isang meal lang. Minsan nga lagpas pa sa 300 ang isang meal. Dalawang libo lang inuutang niya di ko nabigay. Bakit? Dahil kulang na ang pera na I allotted for myself for the rest of the week. 6 na meals ko lang inuutang niya, di ko pa nabigay.

 

Nakakadepress. Sobrang lakas ko gumastos. Sobrang di ko pinapahalagahan ang pera. Tapos, sa ibang tao, yung perang ginagastos ko sa pagkain malaki na ang halaga. Tapos tinapon ko lang sa pagkain. Dalawang libo lang di o mabigay. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. How could I let something like this to happen.

 

Grabe lang din ma-realize na sa ganitong paraan ko malalaman kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga katagang value for money. Pwede naming natutunan ko nay an nung nasa school pa ako. Pero hindi, sa ganitong sitwasyon pa talaga. Nakakaasar isipin na yung bagay na mahalaga sa ibang tao, hindi ko pinahalagahan. Hindi ko tuloy siya natulungan.

 

How could I be this stupid?

My Depressing Career

Akala ko dati, pag UP graduate ka, ok na. You don’t have to worry about your career. After graduation, the problem would be kung ano ang pipiliin mo sa companies na nag-rerecruit sa’yo.

Actually, may kasalanan din naman ako kung bakit ang unstable ng career ko. Maybe, i tried to reach for something that is just too high. I planned to have my master’s degree this year. I wanted to have it in Spain, come back after 2 years, work for 2 to 3 years, then have my Ph. D. That’s why after graduation, I didn’t want to look for a serious job because I didn’t want to start my career.

Apparently, I was not able to realize my first plan. Otherwise, I will not be writing this blog. Hehe. So now, here I am, with no stable job. Though the past two months has been a wonderful career experience for me, it has not made my career stable, neither did it give my career direction.

The job was to make a market study about hydrated lime and quicklime. I was glad that I was able to employ the skills that I have acquired in college in this market study. To be a researcher has always been my interest in economics. I am fascinated by the methods used in economic research, such as regression, ever since I learned them. So the past two months made me enjoy economic research in real life. However, the job is project-based. Now that we’re done with the market study, the future seem really cloudy. Though our boss said that he has another project for us, the question “what happens after that?” remains unanswered. I don’t want to live fearing every end of every project.

I have been really depressed these past few days about my career. I don’t understand why I still don’t have a stable job 5 months after graduation. I did well in school naman, Pero bakit ganon? Bakit pakiramdam ko walang kwenta lahat ng efforts ko nung college to get an uno?

My boyfriend says that at least I have the chance to find a job that I really love. Actually, I fear that I might accept a job offer just because I am desperate to get a stable job.

My head aches. Geez.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!